Happiness

I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be happy again. I mean my life is fine but I haven’t laughed much lately. Sometimes I feel like I am a cold person and that I don’t know how to have fun. I went out this past weekend with some good friends and I had a great time. I laughed this past weekend like I haven’t in a long time. I am very confused but very happy. I never knew that you could be both at the same time. I get so tired of holding life together for my family. I start feeling so old and worn out. Trying to find life balance is one of the most difficult things to do but I think I am on the right track.

I have another half marathon this weekend and another one next weekend. I am really looking forward to both. I haven’t run much since Robie Creek. OK I have run one time and that’s it. Baseball has kept me busy and I wouldn’t change that for the world. They are great kids that are doing a fantastic job!

What a heart wants

Many people ask why I run and I have never really told anyone of why I started running and entering races. It started with being happy. I was walking with friends and starting to feel great except for the love part of my life. I was hurting and feeling alone. I have been feeling more and more like a “mom” to my husband with each passing month. We have been drifting more and more apart. I could go on and on about how it was but that’s not how I got to here today. To put it simply, Actions speak louder than words. I’m not blind. I see the body language and the signs. I run because of the things on my mind. I think I would have a mental breakdown if I didn’t run. I live in a state of constant confusion. I over analyze things in life and running keeps me moving so I don’t have the time to think about problems. So in a way I am running away from some things. I have a friend that has taught me a lot about myself in the past year. They have shown me they care. They ask questions. They listen. They protect. They joke. Most of all, I am happy around them. I can be myself. I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel selfish. They accept me for who I am. Since I had my first race September 11 2010 I have started living and loving. I can’t stop running because how I feel when I am running.

Life goes on

Robie Creek has come and gone. I finished the run and I am very proud of myself. There never was a point during the run that I thought “I can’t do this”. I walked away with sore toes and a sunburn. Not bad for the toughest half marathon in the Northwest! Since then life has gone on. I have signed up for two more half marathons and I am constantly searching for more. I’m not happy if I don’t have another race on my calender. I have to keep move. It keeps me strong and keeps me going. I have so many ups and downs in a single day it’s hard at times. I have hit the point in my life that I am done chasing dreams. It is now their turn to chase me. Who knows if they will catch me or not after all I am a slow runner. I’m tired of waiting. Life goes on whether your involved or not. Stop waiting and go do things!

10 days 1 hour 26 minutes till Robie Creek

Robie Creek is just days away and I want to run away. My home life is going to shit and I am losing my confidence in myself. I use to feel so strong and alive and not I feel like crap and alone. Why do we have to have one of our biggest fights so close to Robie Creek?  I don’t know when to call it quits and walk away. I think I want to walk away from the wrong thing in life though. Is it my failing marriage or the race that is the real battle? Then it all starts to fall into place. It has nothing to do with the race. It’s all about the marriage. He has no clue how to support me. He has been supported all his life and he has never had to take care of his own. WOW! I feel better. I’m going to run Robie Creek (slowly) and I am going to finish! I have no PR to set for I have never ran a half marathon before and how ever long it takes me I will be happy with! I don’t need to feel the way I have been and I can do anything I set my mind to! OK Marcie deep breath you can do this you are strong and determined.

18 days till Race To Robie Creek

With Race to Robie Creek drawing near I am getting restless at night. I am somewhat intimidated by the hill and at the same time ready to leave it in the dust and move on in my slow running career. Last night I was tossing and turning with the thoughts of not being able to make it up the hill. Once you hit the summit it’s all down hill from there. Pun intended. I have never wanted to back down from anything before in my life but it has crossed my mind about backing down from this. If I back down I am a quitter. I can’t quit with three beautiful daughters watching, with my dad who is undergoing chemo watching and with the department watching. Simply stated I can’t quit with everybody watching. So I guess I have found my motivation to run. I need to show my girls that women can do anything they put their mind to. I need to show my Dad that I will be strong and supportive to endure anything life throws my way. As for my department I don’t need to prove anything to them I just need to show them the person they knew was here all along.

29 days 22 hours until Race to Robie Creek

My ipod died. I wish it hadn’t and it is hard to find my motivation without tunes. I will need to figure out something before Robie. I have a race almost every weekend until Robie with the exception of this weekend. So I will be headed to Boise to run/walk on Robie Creek/Rocky Canyon with a friend that is also running Robie Creek. I am excited and nervous about the race. I hope I make it across the finish line in 4 hours or less.

37 days till Robie Creek

Only a short time before the Race to Robie Creek. I don’t have much of a plan except to run as much of it as I can. I am trying to run on the treadmill as much as I can at home. I have some friends that look at me and ask me if I am crazy for running Robie Creek and I do answer yes. I think if I said no they might try to have me committed. I feel like if I can complete Robie Creek I can then accomplish anything I set my mind to.